


Only in My Dreams

by Merzibelle



Category: Torchwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:37:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merzibelle/pseuds/Merzibelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack dreams of happy times before reality intrudes on him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only in My Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Torchwood is ©2006-2009 British Broadcasting Service Wales (BBC Wales). I'll be Home for Christmas is copyright ©1943 Kent (music) and James "Kim" (lyrics) Gannon. Copyrighted material is used without permission with no intention of profit from the works contained herein.
> 
> Original Publication/Copyright: 18 December 2009

#  **  
Only in My Dreams**

 

###  _I am dreaming tonight of a place I love  
Even more than I usually do_

Jack leant against the stair rail and watched his lover as he lay on his back in front of the cottage’s fireplace. Their tiny daughter lay sleeping on his bare chest. Ianto was totally fascinated by Carys. She had her father’s upturned nose, dark curls and pale skin. The only sign of his involvement in her birth her brilliant blue eyes. Carys had her Tad wrapped around her finger. She was going to be totally spoiled, but Jack couldn’t complain in the least.

As he watched, Ianto too drifted to sleep before the fire. The warmth likely lulling him to sleep after so many nights up with the cranky baby before they’d finally figured out she was having difficulties with her formula. Jack reached over, flipped off the great room’s overhead lights and crossed the room to crouch by his lover, partner, friend… Ianto was all that and so much more. He shook out the quilt he’d grabbed off the sofa on his way across the room and draped it over the two most important people in his life. Jack bent down to press a gentle kiss to Carys’s temple before leaving a more lingering kiss on Ianto’s lips. He chuckled softly when sleepy blue eyes blinked up at him. “Sleep, _cariad_ ,” he murmured. “I’m going to finish dinner.”

“Hmm,” Ianto purred softly. “I can help.”

“You’re exhausted,” Jack retorted. “You sleep. I’ll wake you in plenty of time. If not me, then Carys will be wanting her dinner.”

“All right.” Ianto smiled up at him. He slipped a hand from beneath the quilt, slipped it behind Jack’s neck, and tugged him down for a lingering kiss. “A taste of what you can have later when this one is sleeping again.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Jack replied with a grin. He laughed when Ianto’s retort was cut off by a wide yawn. “Go on, sleep.” He stroked Ianto’s hair back off his forehead before he rose to his feet. He stared up at the angel on the top of the tree tucked away in the corner by the fireplace before letting his gaze drift down to the tiny gold foil wrapped present tucked in amongst the pine branches. After they’d put their daughter to bed and eaten, Jack intended on giving Ianto that gift… and his heart… in a way he hadn’t given it to anyone in more than a century.

###  _Christmas Eve will find me  
Where the love light gleams_

“Jack!” John Hart gently shook his companion’s shoulder. In the weeks since they’d begun traveling together, he’d learned the hard way to be very careful how he woke Jack from sleep. He’d been nearly strangled, his jaw broken, and sobbed on more than once when he woke the other man. Still, the soft whimpers escaping from his ex-lover were too painful to listen to anymore. Plus, it would wake the other passenger in the car something which John wanted to avoid at all costs now that she was asleep. That wasn’t even counting the fact that they’d arrived at the destination. “Jack!”

“Why’d you wake me?” Jack snapped. He closed his eyes tightly wanting to recapture the peace of his dream again. “I was…”

“I know,” John replied. “We’re here.” He nodded toward the gate beside them. “Want me to come with you?”

“No.” Jack leant his head back and bit his lip hard. “No,” he repeated. “I need to do this alone.”

“I’ll wait here then,” John said. He shut off the engine and watched as Jack levered himself out of the car. Gone was the flamboyant hero with his fluttering coat now replaced by a broken man torn between dreams of happiness and the reality of loneliness. John knew it was only a matter of time before Jack snapped completely. The only question was would he slide into madness or drink in his search for oblivion.

He stared out the window and watched as Jack hunched deep in his coat. Slowly, as if on his way to his execution, the other man slipped through the gate toward the shadowed expanse beyond. John wouldn’t follow. He’d been left with something far more important to watch over. A tiny snuffle came from the back seat of his car and he twisted in his seat to look back at his other passenger. “Daddy will be back soon,” he murmured while making certain that she was warm enough and still had her pacifier. “He just needs to…” John trailed off into silence. As strange as it seemed, he was finally learning discretion as he found himself unable to tell the baby her Daddy was going to say goodbye to her other father.

Silence in the car, just the soft shushing of snow outside, until Jack returned his hand clutched tightly around something. John leant across to open the door and started the engine again as Jack resettled in the passenger seat. “She’s still asleep,” he said quietly. “Not a peep out of her.”

“She sleeps like Ianto,” Jack murmured. “Deep and well once you get her to sleep.”

John reached over and squeezed Jack’s hand for a moment before returning it to the wheel. “Back to the hotel?” he asked cautiously. “May I know what you retrieved?”

“For now,” Jack replied. “We’ll catch that ship as soon as she’s up to travelling. I’ll have you go ahead with her while I say goodbye to Gwen.” Jack leant his head against the window of the car. He turned his hand, opened it and ran his finger over the still wrapped package. He had its contents memorized a pair of gold rings engraved with ‘am byth m’cariad’. “A gift I can never give.” He stared out the window and let the passing countryside lull him back to sleep. His dreams were his one escape from the desperate loneliness which not even his daughter could ease. Only there, in his dreams, was his life still perfect… him, Ianto and their baby girl.

###  _I'll be home for Christmas  
If only in my dreams_

 


End file.
